Sometimes things feel relatively complex - love, life, family, all things I absolutely love. Some aspects of my work as well. But it all feels so complicated. I used to be able to compartmentalize everything, but lines have been so blurry. Sometimes I feel like I can't handle what's on my plate, but then I think of my family, my wife, kids, parents, and siblings. I think of why I'm doing what I do, and it gives me the strength to continue. I am dealing with a lot, being a minority in the South, being different than most people, dealing with anxiety, manic depressive bipolar disorder. My wife helps me through a lot of that. She is my rock, the person who keeps me centered. I don't know what I'd do without her.
In every aspect, I should love my life. I have a great family, a house, I make a decent living. But I can't help but think I am failing. I believe it is because I can't do what I want to do; I am working on it, and this blog helps with quite a bit, but it is tough. I have written a lot out of my manic side; this is more about my depressive side. I am trying to sort things out, and am unable to understand my own mind. I have a passion for Anthropology, but I also feel ill equipped for anything I plan on doing. I need help, and my family tries to help but it is a battle I feel I have to fight alone, and it is discouraging.
I don't know why I am writing this, but I felt like I needed this to get out. On the plus side, things are somewhat looking up, I am getting more comfortable with my moods, am slowly but surely being myself. With the support of my friends and family I feel like I can take this on.
